Inner-Monologue While Viewing Someone’s Publicly Displayed Honeymoon Photos

I have used Facebook more the past month than I have the past 2 years combined. I have friended more people since I got to Korea than I have in the past 4, and that’s honestly not an exaggeration. Facebook has been a fundamental part of keeping in touch with some friends back home; I cannot overstate its messaging convenience. For continuing old networks and helping to form new ones, I am very grateful to have Facebook as a medium where this sort of contact is possible. Unfortunately, looking at it so much more than I used to has reminded me why I stopped using it.


They provided wine for you. That’s nice. I miss wine.

I want to get married just so I have an excuse to go to Mexico and no one will judge me for missing work.

One of the most awkward things about honeymoons must be that there is no one there to take pictures of you guys together. Tripod? Self-timer? Arm out-stretched?

Beach, beach, beach, beach, beach, beach, speedo? You married a guy who leans against a palm tree resting his head in his palm and sports a blue and black speedo?

I call this, “self-portrait from a self-timer on the nightstand before we go to dinner, prom pose style.”

Ring picture, ring picture, intertwined hands, bar, bar, poolside bar, aren’t you worried about your camera?

Sunset, sunset, you walking away from the camera, beach beach beach, your two sets of feet in the sand, bar…hey, did you guys have fun on your honeymoon? I don’t think you took enough pictures of your drinks to prove it.

Okay, thanks for showing me your suite. Looks grand. You got me, I’m jealous. you’re giving us an actual tour. From the hallway, to the foyer, to the bathroom? Explicitly pointing out the jacuzzi tub…mehhhh a little awkward. Wow but it gets better: and into the bedroom we go…

Okay. There’s your bed. Now this is awkward, because that’s your honeymoon. Of course it’s a “lovely king-sized bed!” It’s a fucking honeymoon suite.

Do you really need to show me the bathroom again? Christ.

“Two sinks!” …no comment.

Another shot of the jacuzzi tub: “So. Awesome.” This is so. Uncomfortable. I’m uncomfortable. I know what you did in there. So does everyone else. Doesn’t your mom have Facebook?

And I’m not sure what this picture is…oh my god you didn’t. ”Bedroom view from the bed!”

“Love the high ceilings, molding and the chandelier!” Girl I still know you’re taking that from your sex-ravaged honeymoon bed and I’m still uncomfortable.

Oh thank god we’re back at the beginning…at least there were no close-ups of significant others sleeping in this one.


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